or: The Art and Joy of Film Criticism
Top 5:
1 Bir Zamanlar Anadolu’da (Nuri Bilge Ceylan)
2 The Muppets (James Bobin)
3 Martha Marcy May Marlene (Sean Durkin)
4 Moonrise Kingdom (Wes Anderson)
5 The Hunger Games (Gary Ross)
Flop 5:
5 Dark Shadows (Tim Burton)
4 On the Road (Walter Salles
3 Rock of Ages (Adam Shankman)
2 War Horse (Steven Spielberg)
1 John Carter (Andrew Stanton)
Good grief. What to say about this near-traincrash?
I’ll just list a few things, for I really cannot bring myself to writing a coherent review about, well, this.
1) Adam Shankman made an entertaining and smart musical. But that is called Hairspray (2007) and not Rock of Ages.
2) The late 1980s are not a period you wane be reminded of. Ever.
3) Seeing Catherina Zeta-Jones hump church benches in a “rock” song against rock and sex is a bit weird.
4) Stop casting your leads from the Disney channel! These people are homogeneous bore-yawn-faces.
5) The leads (Julianne Hough and Diego Boneta) are actually not cast from the Disney channel. But they could have been.
6) Having been processed by the digital mainstreamenizer every single song in this film sounds the sugary-same.
7) And, you know, it’s not like Don’t Stop Believin’, We Built This City and More Than Words were very rough, rock songs unsuitable for a conventional musical in the first place. It’s not Rage Against the Machines…
8) For a good appropriation of songs in the context of a new film see Moulin Rouge (Baz Luhrmann, 2001).
9) I do not dislike musicals.
10) But this one is shit.
11) It’s like a list of sometimes-slightly-connected things and songs just “happening”.
12) You’d think that Alec Baldwin as an aged rocker would be funnier.
13) You’d hope that Russell Brand as a slightly-less-aged rocker would be dirtier and nastier.
14) You’d fear that Catherina Zeta Jones as Sarah Palinesque Born Again Christian would be sexier.
15) Why is this film set in LA but shot in Miami? These cities do not even look the same.
16) Good God… Paul Giamatti’s hair.
17) Malin Akerman’s hair.
18) Everyone’s hair, for that matter.
19) Except that of the leads, who of course look perfectly 2010s.
20) Saving grace: Tom Cruise, giving it his best as a completely deranged over-the-hill rock legend. Awesome.
PS NOW I HAVE JOURNEY PLAYING ON REPEAT IN MY HEAD SINCE WEDNESDAY BECAUSE OF THIS NIGHTMARE
This is happening to me, he. The first week after I start the ‘ Trailer Tuesday’ category, the web is flooded with new trailers. The big’ un is of course for The Dark Knight Rises (see below). I’m not going to show all the others on this site, so for the next films, I just give you the links:
ParaNorman, Lockout, Ghost Rider: Spirit of Vengeance, Jack the Giant Killer, Plan C.
The ones I’m featuring here are:
Rock of Ages
Dir. Adam Shankman. Starring: Tom Cruise, Catherine Zeta-Jones, Malin Akerman & Alec Baldwin
Release date NL: June 7 2012
Wrath of the Titans
Dir. Jonathan Liebesman. Starring: Sam Worthington, Liam Neeson, Ralph Fiennes, Rosamund Pike & Bill Nighy
Release date NL: March 29, 2012
The Expendables 2
Dir. Simon West. Starring: Stallone, Statham, Willis, Schwarzenegger, Van Damme, Norris, Li, Lundgren. Everybody. Everybody? Everybody: Novak Djokovic.
Release date NL: August 16, 2012
The Dictator
Dir. Larry Charles. Starring: Sacha Baron Cohen, John C. Reilly, Anna Faris, Ben Kingsley & Megan Fox
Release date NL: May 10, 2012
